I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
