I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am naked and annoyed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
