As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
