Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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