He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
