I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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