i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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