was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
