Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
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When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
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