I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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