I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize