you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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