My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
