someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
