I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
