the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
wow bdsm is so cute
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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