my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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