i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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