NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
