first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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