There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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