I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
