he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
