At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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