She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
