So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
