fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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