dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
