i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
