I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
