No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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