Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
