i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
