Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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