she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
