Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
