i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How's work?
Spinning.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The Olympian is in my bed
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize