I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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