I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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