I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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