I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
