Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
