Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
