you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am available for nakedness
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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