We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do you have feelings for this penis?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
