i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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