you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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