4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Life is so much better after having sex.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
