i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
