I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
