I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
