You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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