Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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