Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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