I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
