I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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