Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
