drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize