I want to have your abortion
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
