Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
