K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
