wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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