We won't sleep together?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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