I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
