i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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