just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
